If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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