Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
