I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
