my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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