her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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