i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
