HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
