The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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