i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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