Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
