We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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