tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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