But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
love makes seman taste better
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
