i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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