I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
