My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
