If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
