Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
