I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Sober January is a disaster.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
