U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
