first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
