His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i drank out of a bidet.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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