I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
