my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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