I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
