you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
