I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
