I showed him my bush... on skype.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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