i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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