Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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