In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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