You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
