idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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