Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
