Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
