Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
