Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
