I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
