Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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