Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
