STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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