I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
