I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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