You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I wish you could order shots online.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
