oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
