i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
