There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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