I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
