with your own penis?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
