Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
