WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
