I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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