I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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