Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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